Finally, my parents had found a place for my mother, my brother Jimmy, and I to move to in Cupertino, later to be known as Silicon Valley. (Katie had already moved out prior to all of this.) At first I felt isolated. Then I began exploring the neighborhood while my mother was at work, and Jimmy was in school. The school year started for me, and I refused to go back after attending for a few days. It was supposed to be my junior year.
I turned 16, and on my birthday, I sat on the stairs and cried. I didn't know why and couldn't control it. My father had given me a console stereo to keep in my room, so I could listen to my records. I'd play Gino Vannelli, and before long, I'd soon feel better.
Because of my history as a juvenile delinquent, a school counselor came to the home to see me. I refused to come down the stairs because I didn't have any makeup on. She stayed downstairs and would not leave. Jimmy went back downstairs and said, "Sally won't come down the stairs. I don't know why." Without any success, whatsoever, the counselor finally left. What a relief that was.
I took a shower and prepared for the new day by applying makeup and getting dressed. I stayed with Jimmy for a little while and watched PBS with him. We often sang Sesame Street songs together and danced in the living room.
Jimmy was absolutely my most favorite person in the entire world. But, I had some drinking to do. I’d asked my mother when she went grocery shopping to get me some orange juice so I'd have it to mix with my Vodka that I kept in my closet.
Soon, I figured out the bus system and began going back to my old neighborhood in San Jose, where Wayne Howard also lived. At 20 years old, Wayne--whom I’d first met at church when I was 14 and he was 18--drank a lot. By that time, I did my share too. “Stay away from my sister!” my brother Devin would warn Wayne. Despite this, I found Wayne to be genuinely kind, even though he went through a divorce when he was only 19 years old.
I wasn’t consuming much food and was substituting food with alcohol. When I wasn't at home hanging out with Jimmy, I was out drinking at Wayne's. It was the 1970s, which I think contributed to my ability to get alcohol so readily.
I don't recall whether I was 16 or 17 when Didi asked me if I would babysit my two nieces, Sarah and her younger sister Donna, during tax season. I adored my nieces and said, "Yes!" Didi went to work for her father, and I babysat the two girls as often as I was asked. Most of the time when I was babysitting, I abstained from alcohol. Not always, though. Sometimes it was like I didn't have any control over my addiction.
One afternoon, Didi brought my nieces over for me to babysit, and I was wasted. I was able to reassure Didi that I could still babysit, and took Donna from her arms. I wasn't about to miss this opportunity to babysit! Didi made me swear I wouldn't drink anymore while babysitting, and I was able to keep my promise. I sobered up enough to be a proper babysitter for the rest of the day.
One evening, while I was babysitting at Devin and Didi's house, there was a knock at the door. I opened it and found Wayne standing there holding two margaritas. I wouldn't invite him in because he wanted to go back to the master bedroom. Sarah and Donna were sleeping in their respective rooms. Wayne said, "I thought this was what you wanted!" I said, "I do, but not right now.” I just didn't feel like I could let him in. So he left, carrying his two margaritas, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
Apparently, I wasn’t completely irresponsible. That is, until that time Wayne came over again while I was babysitting, and asked if I wanted to go to the store with him. Of course I did! He was driving a station wagon and had a framed picture of his ex-wife Bonnie on the floor in the back seat. I saw it and felt bothered by it, but didn’t say anything.
When we returned, Didi was already home. I felt terrible and said we just went to the store up the street and came right back. I promised to never do it again to ensure that there would be future babysitting gigs. And there were. I was very close to Sarah and Donna.
At home, in Cupertino, John would call me from Minnesota and say how much he missed me. I was confused by this but enjoyed the attention. One time, he said to lie to my mother so that we could see one another and meet up halfway. He said that he’d tell Kelly he was going on a fishing trip. I said, “No. I have babysitting to do.” After that, he stopped calling.
I continued with my drinking and going over to Wayne’s house whenever possible. He wasn't always there, of course, because he was working for Devin. Someone was always home though; after all, it was a party house.
One evening, Wayne came home after a car accident. He was drunk and missing a front tooth. I was across the street with some friends when he stepped outside and vomited in the front yard. It turned out that he had internal injuries. The next day, Wayne’s father dropped Wayne off after taking him to the hospital and capping his broken tooth. Fortunately for Wayne, his father was a dentist.
I decided that once school started again, I would attend, and I did. I attended for two weeks, during which time, I was able to work at the day care center that was on-site. It was great because I loved kids. Then I started to get pain in my hips and could barely make it down the stairs one morning. I stayed home for two weeks while I experienced debilitating pain. This was the second time it had happened. The first time was when I was 13, when it lasted for only two days.
This time, I was able to convince my mother to take me to Kaiser Hospital in Santa Clara. I saw a female doctor who asked if I was a cheerleader at school. Not at all. She said she couldn't find anything wrong with me and my mother took me home. I dropped out of school after that and eventually earned my GED.
When I turned 17 in October, my mother said she had given up on me. I said to myself, "Good. Now I can do what I want." And I did just that. I went out drinking and engaged in risky behavior such as accepting rides from strangers. I was convinced that nothing bad would happen to me. All that happened was, men kept offering me money for sex. I always said no, no matter how much they badgered me, and I'd get dropped off at Wayne's house.
Eventually, I got a clue and started relying on the bus for safety reasons. Around that same time, my brother Jimmy got really sick. His health and well-being mattered to me, and the doctors couldn't find out what was wrong with him. I stayed home more and more and gave up drinking. I wanted to spend time at home with Jimmy. He was having a terrible time with food going right through him.
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Jimmy was subsequently hospitalized with a private room. I started going to church on Wednesday nights. I would get a ride from someone who was already going. On Sundays, I would go to church with my mother, and would go to the hospital when my mother wasn’t at church. Being that I had learned the bus system, I was able to take a bus to the hospital on Sundays to visit Jimmy. One time, the bus didn’t show up. I waited 90 minutes, and finally went back home. My mother called and started yelling at me. She also yelled at me one Wednesday night after I got home from church. At first, she called twice, but I didn’t answer because I was in the shower. The third time, I answered and she yelled at me. She was beyond stressed. Who could blame her?
Jimmy remained in the hospital as he wasted away. The food he consumed was still going right through him because he couldn’t digest it. Dr. Neal, Jimmy’s doctor, was very kind to us. I really thought highly of him.
Despite every effort, Jimmy's body was still unable to absorb any nutrients. He continued to lose weight and caught pneumonia. Then one afternoon while I was at home the phone rang and it was my mother. Jimmy had passed away at 3:00 p.m. I began sobbing as I went upstairs to my bedroom. The person I cherished the most had left us at the age of 22. I was lost without him. I continued to go to church, and my mother gave me the silent treatment. Was she upset that it wasn't me who died, instead of Jimmy? I thought she was angry at me all the time.
It was 1978, and now with Jimmy gone and my mother still ignoring me, I landed my first job working at McDonald’s at the age of 17. Having a paycheck felt good, and I became very efficient at my job working at the cash register. Male customers would come to my register and talk to me, which I found perplexing.
When I turned 18, my mother baked a beautiful chocolate cherry cake for me. I was absolutely delighted with it! In addition, she handcrafted a hook rug with my name on it that I loved. My brother Devin held it up over my head as my mother snapped a picture.
I then went to work for Sears in the catalog department, which was insanely busy. The manager of the catalog department recruited me because I remained calm under pressure, as he had observed at McDonald's. My paycheck was larger, too, because the catalog department paid a higher wage. I learned my job well and continued working there. That’s when I made friends with Lisa, and she became my best friend. She had blond hair and blue eyes, while I had brown hair and brown eyes. We both had nice figures and would garner a lot of attention from the opposite sex while at work and outside of work.
On Saturdays, whenever I had the day off, I would convince my mother to take Sarah, Donna and me to the Happy Hollow Park & Zoo in San Jose. I would snap pictures of them in their cute little outfits. It gave me so much joy to be that involved in their lives!
My mother continued to be distant with me. She had been asked by the church to teach Sunday School for kids aged about four or five, and spent her Saturday nights preparing each lesson. I would come home from work and sit with her on the couch. She continued with the cold shoulder treatment. To cope with it, I began sewing and bought my own sewing machine. I sewed practically everything I wore, and became obsessed with looking at pattern books. Then I began to sew kid's outfits for Sarah and Donna. Everything turned out so adorable!
My mother would still yell at me, and I just never understood the reason behind it. But she was my mother, and I loved her. I continued going to church with her on Sundays, but on Friday nights, I’d be out drinking with my coworkers. I liked it because drinking made me laugh a lot. Alcohol was my best friend, besides Lisa, whom I’d drink with. I got my driver’s license and my mother would let me take the car. I was very stupid, and would drive while under the influence. Nothing bad ever happened as a result, but later on, I realized just how irresponsible it was.
During Christmas time, John sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. There was no name on the card, so I went to the florist and inquired. She said they were from John in Duluth. Oh. I had forgotten about him. I was seeing someone from church at the time, and he had given me flowers for Christmas, too. He saw the other flowers and exclaimed that he’d been outclassed! I just shrugged, unsure of how to respond.
My mother received an eviction notice because the property was sold, and the new owner wanted to move into our unit. This situation was unsettling and caused a lot of stress. I had no idea what we were going to do. We began combing apartment ads in the newspaper, and my father would take us to see different properties. The townhouses we looked at were too expensive and my father would just scoff at the idea of having us moving there. I was deeply discouraged and asked a friend from work if I could stay in his van as a backup plan. Then I decided I would move to Minnesota to be with Kelly. I barely had any memory of my past toxic so-called “relationship” with John, and Kelly was all for it. I told my parents that when I turned 19, I would move to Minnesota, and bring my cat Doobie with me.
On my 19th birthday, my mother surprised me with a set of luggage. It was an unexpected surprise and we would spend time together when we could. I was still sewing my outfits, plus I was working and going to DeAnza College, and going out on dates, so I was pretty busy. Alcohol was still a part of the picture as I would binge drink when I was with friends. We’d all go out as a group and they’d buy me alcohol. It was great, or so I thought.
I packed my belongings and shipped them UPS to Kelly’s apartment in Duluth. It didn’t occur to me that staying with her would be a bad decision because she and John were married by then, and she was going to church. I thought I was safe. I still wasn’t thinking about the past, and felt very mature now that I would be moving out. But little did I know, I wasn’t.
Kelly said she won a trip to California from a radio contest and that I needed to stay in California. I’d already quit my job, shipped my belongings, bought my plane ticket, a pet carrier, and Doobie’s health certificate, which had a time limit. Did John assume I was going there to be with him? I wasn’t!
