1977
I felt uneasy around my eldest sister Kelly’s married boyfriend, John, who was 32 and in Minnesota where his wife and three kids were. Kelly, who was 27 at the time, flew from Minnesota to California for a visit when I was 15 years old, bringing along her new baby, Dana, who is the daughter of John. I didn’t have any younger siblings, but I had babysitting jobs, so little ones weren’t completely alien to me. One morning, while applying my makeup, I wrote a poem for Dana on the bathroom wall, feeling a deep connection to her already.
While my mother was at work, Kelly snapped pictures of me in a bikini top, as well as pictures of a happy Dana splashing in a plastic dishpan filled with water in the front yard. Dana was a joyful baby and I enjoyed giving her attention!
By the time my sophomore year in high school ended, Kelly was back in Minnesota. My father wanted to take me with him to England for the summer, but the last thing I wanted to do was fly to England with my father. I boldly told my parents that I'd rather go to Minnesota and stay with Kelly than go to England. In other words, I was refusing to spend time alone with my father. I had my reasons.
So, off I went, to Minnesota to stay with Kelly and Dana for the summer in Duluth, John’s hometown. Upon my arrival, I was very surprised to learn that John and Kelly were living together in the same apartment. Reno, John's dad, came over after I arrived, to meet me. I felt quite embarrassed to see my pictures in Kelly’s photo album, and Reno was standing behind me when Kelly told him to stop undressing me with his eyes. I didn't even know what that meant!
My first memory of John was from when I was 10 years old, and living in Fremont, California. Kelly, then 22, stopped by in her VW Bug and had me climb onto the bicycle rack to sit on her bike while she took my picture. She had the film developed, and showed the picture to John, then 27, who worked as a VW mechanic in Fremont. According to Kelly, he had said, “That's why the bike rack is loose!” It was meant to be funny, but I didn't particularly find it humorous. I thought he was making fun of me. I guess Kelly thought it was funny; too, otherwise, why else would she have told me?
You see, Kelly liked taking my picture. She nicknamed me “Doll” and took lots of pictures of me with black and white film in the 1960s. I was born in 1961, and I think she started taking pictures of me when I was about six months old. My parents never took pictures of me as a baby, so Kelly took lots of them.
My next memory of John was from when I was 13 years old. He and Kelly wanted to take my 16 year old sister Katie and me to spend the day at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. Being that John was married, and with my mother being very judgmental, she disapproved of the idea but acquiesced when Kelly kept urging her to agree. My mother retreated to her bedroom and shut the door. My 18-year old brother Jimmy, who had developmental disabilities wanted to go, but wasn't included in the invitation. I felt badly, but not as badly as Jimmy did. We said we'd bring him back a souvenir. We returned with a cheap plastic thing that Jimmy immediately threw on the floor, and said, “I don’t want it.”
At the Boardwalk, I said I was thirsty, and Kelly offered me some of her beer. I refused the offer, and she responded, “Oh, it won't hurt you.” I still refused. I then wanted to play air hockey. John insisted that he be the one to play against me. I was surprised, but I relented because it was the only way they were going to let me play. John played against me, and instead of giving me a chance to win, he beat me badly. I felt pretty embarrassed that I didn't win. Usually, adults let kids have a chance at winning.
We strolled over to the roller coaster ride, and I assumed I'd be sitting with Katie. However, John insisted that I ride with him, which made me very uncomfortable. It was the only way I was going to be allowed to ride, so I relented. He sat very close to me, with his arms pressed against the sides of my body. I kept trying to keep his arms away from touching the sides of my bra and had to keep repositioning my arms with each twist and turn of the roller coaster. Did he think I was trying to get closer to him? I wasn’t.
Approximately a week later, Kelly showed up with a gift for me from John. There was nothing for Katie, and nothing for Jimmy, just a gift for me. It was a light blue dog made out of lots of long strands of yarn, with foam in the center. Blue was my favorite color, so I reluctantly accepted it. My mother was not happy, but I set it on the stereo console in the living room, instead of taking it to my room. My mother retreated to her bedroom and shut the door.
While I’m not sure of the exact timeline, Kelly and John moved to Duluth, Minnesota prior to 1975. Once in Duluth, Kelly entered a rehab program, successfully completed it, and subsequently became pregnant with Dana, who was born on August 18,1976.
